tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34839997661203433382023-06-20T07:00:42.925-07:00Confessions of a Black Geek GirlNothing to be ashamed of, being a geek, being a nerd. That's who I am, and I'm loving it!Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-49123024442388040182012-03-11T10:48:00.008-07:002012-03-12T13:22:16.266-07:00How I See the World as a Black Woman--Part II: Standards of BeautyBlack is beautiful. That is a phrase that was invented in the 1960s to affirm black peoples' sense of self that was robbed from them by slavery and Jim Crow segregation, and later, the media bias against black people in the United States. For many years, having dark skin and kinky hair, full facial features, and elaborate curves to one's body was considered ugly. Black people did things to themselves to change the aspects that they were taught to hate, such as enduring hours of painful hair treatments such as straightening and relaxing their hair. And in the later 20th century, plastic surgery became another tool in arsenal of self-hate. Why not have one's African features cut down to look European, or one's skin lightened? We bought into that assertion that something was wrong with the way God made us.<br /><br />I had my hair relaxed when I was a young preteen, and for years, I adhered to a semi-regular regimen of hair relaxation, and other treatments to keep my hair healthy because I had fundamentally undermined its natural integrity. I took Biochemistry in college, and I learned why my hair was curly, the unbreakable sulfur bonds. I also learned what relaxer did to my hair, it broke those bonds in my hair and made it weaker and more susceptible to damage. That was around the time I said no more. I cut out my relaxed hair and went natural. I haven't gone back. That was about twenty years ago. Honestly, I don't miss it. Before someone gets mad and decides to send fifty angry retaliatory posts, I'm not saying that one cannot be proud of one's heritage and have relaxed hair. What I am asking or trying to get one to think about is why you need to relax your hair to meet someone else's standards of beauty? What is a standard of beauty? Is there one or many?<br /><br />Yes, I could go on and on about beauty standards, and I don' t have to stick to the ones that impact black women specifically. What about the thin body beauty standard, which is unrealistic and especially hurtful for women? What the modeling industry does is hire pre-teens and physically immature girls to model a lot of their clothes. Most grown women don't look like that. They have breasts and hips. Their contours are naturally more lush, and that's the way it should be. So why should a woman have to starve, diet, and exercise herself to a shape that's not realistic for her? I think we all can agree that being healthy, eating right and exercising is important. What we don't all agree on is what is a normal body size. Some people are going to be larger than others. Instead of trying to be like a 12-year-old model, maybe their focus should be on being healthy for themselves.<br /><br />It's interesting going to the doctor and getting the "You need to lose weight lecture" every time. I am prepared to get it. I know I need to lose weight. I don't need a body chart to tell me that. However, I know that my cardiovascular state is pretty healthy. My cholesterol levels are normal, and my blood sugar is normal. However, I was told I was pre-diabetic because of my weight and that my blood sugar is on the high end of normal. The second tells me more objectively what my status is than my weight. So, I work on that, exercising and trying to eat better (although I don't always succeed with the latter). And I honestly feel better when I take care of myself. That's why I want to lose weight. Not because the media says fat is ugly and thin is in. Personally, I don't find unhealthy thinness attractive, either in a man or a woman. Notice I said unhealthy. There is a difference between natural slenderness or athleticism and a thin body due to dieting. I call it the "Barbie Doll Syndrome", ie, the head is bigger than the body. When a person is dieting and has not maintained a healthy body fat ratio, their head starts looking two times as big as their body. Yes, some people just have big heads, but that' s different. I don't like to put a lot of stock into scientific treaties on racial differences, because a lot of that feeds into racism. What I do know is that like breeds of animals, if you have a population of certain people who breed together, there will be a concentration of genes. Some of those genes code for physical characteristics, such as shovel-shaped incisors in Asians, and a fuller aspect to the nasal base in African-Americans. Along those lines, you might see differences in body shape that would cause certain groups to wear their weight differently. Is that a get out of jail card for obesity? No. But what it does mean is that one weight chart won't work for every woman of every racial/ethnic group. And along with that, not all women would be able to hold to a standard of size zero. Have you ever looked at most of the actresses on TV? How many of them are full-bodied, and I don't mean overweight? Not too many. Most are stick-thin, with the "Barbie Doll Syndrome" going on, and no curves except for the fake ones. Watch a Victoria Secret commercial, and you will see that these adolescent girls actually have to cock their hips and stick their chests out to give the appearance of curves. Watch the Dove commercials, and you will see normal looking women. Go walk around at the mall, and you will see what normal women look like. Why should television be such a profound difference? What message is that sending girls and women? A very poor one. To hate oneself because you don't have the skinny look of most of the women on television and in movies who are lauded for their beauty.<br /><br />Why is brown skin undesirable and pale skin sexy? Who said that was the case? Personally, I don't think one is better than the other, other than the bone-deep rejection of pale skin as the ideal. I like the rich variety of skin colors that nature provides us. From blue black to porcelain white. All beautiful. I don't think a person should be afraid of being called names because their skin is dark, nor should a person subject themselves to harmful UV rays just to be brown. Embrace what you are. Make the most of what you've been given, and own it. And let's be clear, the color issue is deeply entrenched within the African American culture. We take it way too far. If you watch BET music videos, do a head count. How many of the video girls are lighter-skinner with long hair? How many are darker-skinned with shorter, kinky hair? What lessons does that convey to young black girls in this country, on top of the ones that mainstream media show when you see consistently that the lists of the most beautiful women are all white, or lighter-skinned women with long, straighter hair? Not a good one. Did I ever wish I was blue-eyed with blond hair? If it did, it was for a hot minute. I don't want to be either. I like my curly/wavy hair brown skin, and brown eyes. Again, whatever floats your boat. If you want a weave, knock yourself out. But why do you need to put fake hair on your head to feel womanly and beautiful? I personally find short hair very attractive and flattering on women. Some women don't look good with long hair. And the long, straight weave that some black women sport looks unnatural. I wonder how gorgeous they would look with their natural curls or whatever length God gave them. I wonder how much happier they would be if they didn't have to spend hours upon hours at the beauty shop, and thousands of dollars on getting their hair done, even when they can't afford it.<br /><br />I touched on plastic surgery. This is not race-specific. I watched 20/20 when they talked about plastic surgery, and it was disheartening. An 89-year-old woman had gotten breast implants. Really???? What about a surgeon who was operating on his own daughters since they were young teens? And the men who were getting their legs broken so that they could be taller. They have these rods implanted that they have to flex in a painful and wrong-looking procedure several times a day to stimulate the necessary bone growth so they could be taller. When does the madness end? Will the surgeon's scalpel give you the ability to love yourself that you lacked beforehand? No. That comes from within.<br /><br />I'm just a pilgrim here. A person with eyes in her head and an opinion. My opinion is no more important than anyone else's, but I choose to exercise the opportunity to get this off my chest. I love womanhood, very much. I think women should have all the opportunities, the love, the acceptance, and the freedom to be happy in life and with themselves as they can grasp in life. I hope that women can break free of these fears of never measuring up to unrealistic beauty standards that hurt more than they heal.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-74420298438428820032012-01-12T19:30:00.001-08:002012-01-12T23:01:45.997-08:00Bullying Long Distance<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/napoleon%20dynamite/ilypebuddys/napoleon_dynamite.gif?o=13" target="_blank"><img src="http://i737.photobucket.com/albums/xx15/ilypebuddys/napoleon_dynamite.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />In the past week, there was yet another explosion in the online reading communities. Author/reviewer meltdowns. (Deep, heartfelt sigh!) I hate drama, avoid it like the plague, unless it's between the pages of my Harlequin Presents novel. I have tried to stay out of it, because that pathway is madness. I have my opinions on the whole debate, and I think I can see both sides. I don't want to get into that. I want to talk about the aftermath, and the ugly pattern I see here.<br /><br />This is a woman who was bullied most of her childhood in school. I had a permanent pick on me sign attached to my forehead. Strangely enough, I went out of my way to be invisible and to do my own thing. But still, the bullies always found a reason to make my life hell. Something good came out of it, though. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and all that. I have found there is freedom in not being part of the crowd. The crowd will take you places you don't want to go many times than not. As for the bullying, one hopes that people grow out of this. It's not the case. The bullying just grows a more high-tech skin. It seems at though the internet is the new tool for bullying.<br /><br />Here's the scenario.<br /><br />Let's say Person A wrote a review/blog that said some things that people didn't like, you go and recruit your friends to go and bombard said blog/review with reasons why those words and actions were so heinous and how wrong they are. The crowd overwhelms the opinion of that one person. That person starts to second guess their position. They run and hide and decide to keep their mouths shut. Free speech loses this day. Because the majority has overruled the minority by sheer force. I see this is internet bullying.<br /><br />Why is it bullying? Because if two people don't agree, that's one thing. They talk things out, and decide they can either see the opposite side or they can't. They agree to disagree and move on. But one person goes and gets all their friends to come say why the other person is wrong, how do we really know that the other person's argument wasn't sound or correct? We don't. Their voice has died away, and all is left is the fact that they slunk away to lick their wounds. Or they keep it going, and things escalate into Internet Community Smackdown #1001. There is no winning in this scenario.<br /><br />The internet is a beautiful thing. It's a way for people to connect to each other over mutual interests, to educate, and to entertain. Like any invention, it has its dark side. I think that this is definitely a dark side of the internet, with the various internet social communities. There is only freedom if you are strong or loud enough, or have enough friends to support you. There is only a voice if you don't have many others drowning you out. That's not freedom to me. That's a form of slavery. You become the big bully so you don't get bullied. You're now a slave of the system, the person keeping the lone voice down. Maybe you thought you were doing the right thing at first. But the ends don't justify the means.<br /><br />That leaves us with a choice. We can creep back to our own corners, keep our mouths shut, keep a low profile. We can become part of the problem, or we can do our part to keep the lines of communication open, in the ways that feel right and honorable to ourselves. I know which one I'm going to do.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-26085565822117779762011-11-18T06:31:00.000-08:002011-11-23T14:31:04.595-08:00How I See the World as a Black Woman--Part IHow I See the World as a Black Woman—Part I<br /><br />In light of some of the issues that I have faced lately and seen around me, I thought I would spend some time on my blog talking about this. What does the world look like through my eyes as a black woman?<br /><br />You’d be surprised (or not) that my view of the world is not overly different from the view of a white woman. One thing that I’d say first and foremost—every person is unique. Making generalizations about all people of a certain group is fruitless, inaccurate, and fallacious. Because everyone has their own story to tell, their own life to live, even if they might be the same color, ethnicity, from the same neighborhood, or even the same family. My sister and I are very close. But even we don’t see things the same way. So, that’s my caveat here.<br /><br />I think the main difference I might have from a white woman’s view of the world is that I am more sensitive about race issues, and rightly so. Being a black person in America, I am not allowed to bury my head in the sand. Race comes into the picture a lot more than it should. I learned this the hard way.<br /><br />When I went to High School in Dallas, TX, that was my first real personal acquaintance with racism. I was treated differently from whites because I was not white. I was assumed to be less intelligent, and of less value. It was automatically assumed that I couldn’t handle academically rigorous subjects, even though I have always been considered intelligent and done fairly well in school. I started reading when I was four, and I read at an advanced level. I would have been put in 2nd grade as a kindergartner, but I couldn’t do the math (this math block became a psychological thing, because I have found later in life that I love math and I am very good at it). When I started high school in Illinois, I was in honors classes, despite the fact that I had missed at least two months of school in eight grade because of a hip problem. When we moved to Dallas, my counselor (a white woman) automatically put me in the vocational track, even though my family made it clear I was going to college and there was no question about it. I didn’t dispute this, because I didn’t know better. I trusted her to do right by me, because she was an authority figure (naïve of me). It was only when my new counselor, a black woman intervened and changed my courses, slotting me into honors courses, which weren’t difficult at all for me. I thank her to this day for believing and fighting for me! I like to think she helped a lot of students in the same way because she cared about each one, regardless of their color. I even had a teacher who told me to my face, she didn’t know I was so smart. Yeah, that’s crazy, but it’s true. Also, there was the issue of how the administration treated black students. You could stand in the office for at least five minutes without being acknowledged. Every white person who came in got acknowledged immediately. I wasn’t being sensitive about this. It’s a fact.<br /><br />I won’t even go into all my varied racial experiences at college. Suffice it to say that I got a lot of looks that said that I didn’t belong at the school I attended (one of the big public universities in Texas, not the one in Austin, but one of their rivals). Other than that, the anonymity of being only a student id number was very freeing for me. It didn’t matter what my color was. I got the same chance as everyone else. I relished that. And vet school, more of that jumping through hoops. More justifying that I deserved to be here, and I didn’t get her because of Affirmative Action. Yes, racism exists. It hardens a person, especially if you let it. Personally, I try not to.<br /><br />How about in the literary world (a special interest since I am a die-hard bookworm)? Why is it that I can’t see a person who looks like me on a Harlequin cover unless it’s under the Kimani line? Maybe I want to read a Harlequin Presents with a black person. I like those stories, and maybe I don’t like the kinds of stories they do in the Kimani line. Why do I have to read those just to read about black people? Why do blacks have to have their romances segregated? Why is it that any books written by a black person automatically end up in the African American section, most of which at Walmart fall under the Thug Lit category? How is that right for a writer to be judged just because she’s black? It’s not!<br /><br />What about urban fantasy and paranormal romance covers that show a light skinned woman with straight hair who could be white, when you open the book and the character is brown-skinned with curly, African hair? Why does this offend whites to have a black person on the cover? Why, on earth should it offend you when you are reading about humans having relationships demons, vampires, werewolves, and other varieties of paranormal creatures? As a black person less worthy than a demon? This is 2012 people! It offends me that it offends them. Do I not belong here in America, and deserve the same freedoms? Hey, my family has been here over two hundred years, if you count my Native American ancestry and my African ancestors. I am just as American as most whites, and probably more American since some of their ancestors came over after mine did. I don’t say this to be contentious (since let’s face it, we were all immigrants at some point), but these are the things that go through my head when I am smacked in the face with pervasive racism.<br /><br />As far as ambitions and desires, I would say they are the same as a white woman. I want to be loved, have the same marriage prospects (any man I choose regardless of his race), have children and a family, have financial security, have emotional freedom, be recognized for my contributions to the world, like whatever music I want, read whatever books I want, and have my interest require validation only by me. I want the same freedom to be me without having to qualify everything I do with, “As a black person..” It shouldn’t matter. I should just be able to exist and be me! Instead, I have always felt I had to jump higher, work harder, strive more, just to prove I deserved what I worked hard for. It gets tiring. It does.<br /><br />Yes, I can look at myself as a human being. That’s what I want to do, first and foremost. Actually, I think of myself as Christian first, and a human second. I like being able to look at myself so simply. I like that freedom. At the end of the day, I think a white woman would want that same freedom.<br /><br />In my next post on this issue, I will focus on the Woman aspects more. This post is more focused on the black person aspect.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-26329179255526268202010-12-27T09:55:00.000-08:002010-12-27T10:09:17.226-08:00What is with the addictive quality of TrueBlood?Okay, I just finished watching TrueBlood season one on dvd. I have a problem. I have been addicted to this show since last year. I was living in a hotel room, and I found myself watching a lot of stuff I wouldn't normally ask. It's the hotel phenomenom. If you've ever stayed in one long term (except Vegas b/c they have crappy tv), you probably know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I got sucked in as they showed season two.<br /><br />This show has quite a few disadvantages:<br /><ul><li>Bad language</li><li>Disturbing violence</li><li>Disturbing actions from the characters</li><li>Lots of gratuitious, sleazy scenes (and naked flesh)--I have a low sleaze tolerance</li></ul><p>The perks of this show:</p><ul><li>Completely engaging</li><li>Interesting storylines</li><li>Stephen Moyer as Bill (drool)</li><li>Alexander Skarsgaard as Eric (drool some more)</li><li>Other cute guys</li><li>Great acting</li><li>And it's vampires and other paranormals--I love them!</li></ul><p>As far as season one, it's good to go back and see it from the beginning. I have to confess, I read the first book by Charlaine Harris, Dead Until Dark. I wasn't blown away. It was a little silly and kind of dark in an uncomfortable way. For some reason, it's more palatable as a movie/tv show. Normally, I admit I prefer the books to movies. But, this is definitely one where I like the movie/tv version better.</p><p>I have to say, Sookie is very annoying. I think she's a good person, but she's judgmental, self-righteous, insensitive, reckless, you name it. It's interesting that she's imperfect, because it can be annoying when the heroine is so perfect. I think the secondary cast make the show. Lots of interesting, but not always likeable people. I wish they didn't make Christians all look like hypocrits, but I loved Sookie and Jason's grandmother. She was such a sweet lady. At least she was a positive image for Christians. </p><p>Jason is such a dumb man. It's frustrating how clueless he is. He might be hot physically, but I am not attracted to stupid men! And he's so arrogant at the same time. I like Tara, although she's completely screwed up. How does she always manage to get into such bad trouble? Is she the male equivalent of Jason, except more intelligent? I love Lafayette, even though he's quite amoral. At least he's honest about who he is. He's one of my favorites. I also love Sam, even though he's so against vampires. I love Bill. I just do. I adore him. He's conflicted, dark, brooding, but he loves Sookie so much. (Yes, I know he betrayed her, but I think he really does love her). Eric grew on me in season two when I saw how he felt about Godric. I like Pam too. She cracks me up. I also like Hoyt. He's a sweet and genuine person. Arlene can be annoying with her bigotry, but she's basically a sweet person. And Terry is a darling man! I'm not sure how I feel about Andy Bellefleur. I wonder how Southern people feel about its portrayal of the South. I think it has some things down. Probably over-exaggerates other aspects.</p><p>I am totally rambling here. I just wanted to spout off my feelings about this show and try to figure out why I am so transfixed by this show! Any thoughts on this phenomenom?</p><p></p>Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-81865827383933894182010-06-01T09:51:00.000-07:002010-06-01T09:59:43.489-07:00It's Too Darn HotI tell you, hot weather and me don't agree. It's well into the 90s now, and it's only the first of June! I am afraid, very afraid for the rest of the summer. My gardening has been put on hold. I honestly don't think I can handle working out there in the hot sun. I feel like a french fry in a vat of boiling oil.<br /><br />Hot weather brings out all my bad traits: laziness, grumpiness, and the tendency to be a hermit. I just don't want to go outside until the sun goes down.<br /><br />I have a theory about me and hot weather. Did you ever watch that show called Farscape, that came on the Sci-Fi Channel? Well, Aeryn Sun, the female co-star who ends up falling in love with John Crighton, was a Sebacean. They are a race of humanoids who don't do well when they get overheated. I decided that I am a Sebacean. If the external temperature gets above 85 degrees F, my body starts shutting down. My mother thinks I'm a werewolf. That works for me, since I love werewolves (at least the fictional variety--haven't met any in real life). I have this burning secret desire to be a werewolf, except for the hunting and killing part. Ugh. I don't even like my meat pink. Raw and twitching is definitely not my style.<br /><br />My goal is to get through this hot summer and try to enjoy it. My plan of attack:<br /><br />1. Spend as much time in air conditioning as possible.<br />2. Develop night-time outdoors hobbies, such as stargazing (I like that already).<br />3. Get my tbr pile down by staying indoors and reading.<br />4. Use my Wii Fit in the comfortable air conditioning instead of doing things that will make me hot and sweaty outdoors.<br />5. Take lots of cold showers.<br />6. Enjoy lots of cold drinks and ice cream (I hope)<br />7. Try to go to places that have air conditioning--such as the movie theater and bookstore (what a chore).<br /><br />I would appreciate advice on how to survive the hellish Texas hot weather! If you're a Sebacean/werewolf/cold-natured person like me who lives in a hot climate, we can definitely commiserate.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-26684978791803095842010-05-14T07:42:00.000-07:002010-05-14T07:51:27.234-07:00What is it about CS Lewis?<img src="http://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1211981595p8/1069006.jpg" /><br /><br />I just love this man. I can't even really articulate why I love CS Lewis so much. It's like he clicks something on, somewhere inside of me. I think that if he was alive, or I was alive then, I might have stalked him. That sounds awful, doesn't it? I won't lie. I love brilliant men. And he has a brilliance about him when you read his writings. I love his story. Not a new one. But a very powerful story of conversion from atheism to faith in Christ. He set out to disprove God, and the power of the testimony changed his heart. And the great thing about Christ is, he doesn't change you into a Stepford. He makes the intrinsic you better. And that's what he did with CS Lewis. If you have never read anything by him, don't start with the Chronicles of Narnia. I don't say that because they aren't good. I say that because that would be the easy route. Start with Mere Christianity. If you don't appreciate CS Lewis then, well, that's okay. But I have a feeling you will. His rational explanations carry serious weight. He doesn't do that whole "you must believe because I said so" thing. He gives well-thought, reasoned points for why Christianity is valid.<br /><br />I don't put him on a pedestal. He was human. But, I've heard some really demonizing things said about him, that I disagree with in my heart. I admit, you can be mislead about people. But my heart seems to know him. I have evaluated him as a person, and I really like the man that he was. Okay, yes, it's creepy, my love for CS Lewis. But, at least I'm owning up to it. :)Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-17243836678084212272010-05-12T08:09:00.000-07:002010-05-14T07:38:52.353-07:00Try a Little KindnessI've noticed that kindness seems to be in short supply in the world. It's sad. It doesn't take that much more energy to be kind to others. I imagine it sounds naive. But, I'd like to think that if we all do that, show others that we care enough to treat others well, that the world will be a better place. It's not about religion. It's not about creed. It's about humanity. As human beings, we have choices. We have the choice to do the right thing. We often fail at that. We all have bad days, where it is really hard to be nice to others. But, we should all take a second and put ourselves in each other's shoes. It really hurts when someone is mean to us, and we didn't do anything to that person. It hurts, even if we know that we earned a harsh word from someone. Because we feel that pain, I would like to think, we can try not to cause that pain to someone else.<br /><br />I'm an animal lover. I can stand for hours and watch an animal do rather mundane, every day things. One thing I've realized about animals is, they don't have the instincts for cruelty and ugliness that humans do. Yes, cats will play with their food. I don't particularly like that behavior. But, it's training to be better hunters. What do humans gain from hurting others? Material things, a sense of satisfaction that you 'got one over on someone else', a good laugh. But, how much does that really measure up to in the end? I think it will lead to a lot of regrets. People who are known to be cruel, hurtful, and callous, do they really have many friends? Do people love them out of choice instead of obligation? Will they look back on their lives and be happy with what they did in the past? I don't think so. My goal is life is to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of the person looking back at me. This helps me to govern my behavior. I find that I have little to be proud of when I've hurt someone. Even if I won an argument, and I have the empty satisfaction of being right, the echo of the guilt of knowing that I won that battle at an ugly price (a Pyrrhic victory) in the end.<br /><br />This day, I ask myself and others to do something. Just be kind. Try it. You may find that it becomes a way of life. Disciplining oneself to work that much harder to be nice to others will lead to a greater facility at doing so, even though some people seem to beg to be told off, to be spurned, to be disliked. Instead of starting mess because you don't like someone, try to sow seeds of peace. Why? Because you'd want the same to be done to you. After all, the Golden Rule is an old rule that never goes out of style.<br /><br />Just a thought.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-2228469747639445992009-11-21T04:54:00.000-08:002009-11-21T05:44:47.066-08:00Matters of Personal FreedomWhy is it that others seek to debunk and breakdown what one person holds sacred, whether it's religion, values, or what is of importance to that person?<br /><br />I really don't get this. One area I really see this in with personal faith in a certain belief system. People (usually atheists of radical agenda) write books trying to discredit the Bible, God, and Jesus. Why is that necessary? Is it hurting an atheist for a Christian to believe in God? The argument postulated is that religion is dangerous and destruction. I submit that it's no more dangerous than any other radical creed, such as radical atheism. It's one thing for a person to not believe and to adhere to this and attest it to others. It's another for that person to attack those who do belief and treat them as though they are idiots. On Goodreads, I was reading a review for The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. There was a radical atheist who posted comments completely denigrating anyone who adhered to any belief system. He showed absolutely no respect for anyone of faith. Excuse me, but isn't this persecution? Along the lines of the Inquisition? Um, so that means that not only has the so-called Christian church persecuted others, but atheist and nonreligious groups and people have persecuted believing people. What was ironic to me is that he adheres to his own creed 'not to believe.' For him to attack others for their own adherence to beliefs struck me as completely hypocritical. Hmm. Hypocritical is a term often applied to Christians who profess to believe in one thing and to act another way. This is often the case, but not always. I was pretty saddened by this person's vitriolic attack of others. He was particularly rude to a person who professed belief in Buddhism, trying to undermine her understanding of Buddhist beliefs. What struck me funny is why it was so very important for him to make her feel as though she was stupid and misguided. It seems like an incredibly wasteful use of time.<br /><br />I was thinking about my issue with erotica being shoved down the throats of romance readers. I try to examine myself to make sure that I am being fair. That my personal prejudices don't cause me to take away or hinder other peoples' rights to what is valuable to them. I came to the conclusion that my big issue with the erotic market is that it is affecting my enjoyment of romance. It's become increasingly difficult to consider a new book or read a book without seeing some outre sexual trick being added in there to increase the steam level. I sometimes find myself asking why this is necessary. I don't feel that I am prudish. I have certain ideas about sex and what is appropriate and inappropriate for myself. However, I think sex is a healthy and normal activity (within reason). Within the context of a romantic relationship, I just don't want to see characters in a mainstream romance engaging in some sexual acts. It's jarring and distracting, and gives me a feeling of distaste. But the thing that makes it even worse is that it was put there where an unaware reader could inadvertently have her/his reading experience affected by this element they don't care for. Thus, my issue goes back to proper labeling of a book. Romance is romance. Erotica is erotica. If it's both, please just call the book Erotic Romance. If you do this, then I am well warned. If I am really curious about the book, I'll skim it at the store to determine if I want to read it. Unfortunately, it's a crap shoot now for the non-erotically inclined romance reader, unless she wants to read older books or Christian romance. Having said that, it must really suck for non-Christians who want to read "clean (please be aware I didn't coin this phrase) romance."<br /><br />I was especially upset when I found out that the second book a popular urban fantasy series, that I really wanted to read, has some anal sex in it. I cannot tell you how much my distaste is for this sexual act being incorporated into romance novels. This book is not labeled as erotic. It's just labeled as urban fantasy. I was dismayed about this. I wanted to know for myself what this fabled Chapter 32 was (and I had my fears it would be going in that direction), so I decided to read this part. Reading the scene, it made me pretty annoyed. I'm not about to tell a writer what she should or shouldn't write, but I felt it was gratuitious. I really didn't feel that it was necessary and didn't make the scene any more steamy for me. It made me want to go home, pull the book off my shelf and donate it to Goodwill. I told myself that I was being silly and to get over it, but I felt betrayed. My sense of betrayal stemmed from the fact that my freedom not to read things I don't want to be read was usurped by what I assume is a majority who enjoys reading highly sexual content in books. I've come to the conclusion that this has become mainstream and I have been forced to the wayside, yet again. Now I have to be even more careful about what books I chose to read, even those that are not labeled as romance or erotica, but fall in the science fiction/fantasy genre for that matter. Unfortunately I already bought this book. I am still undecided about whether I will read this second book or just stop after the first one. This has also happen with a couple of urban fantasy and paranormal anthologies I bought. There is a story by the same author in both collections that has anal sex in one and a threesome with double penetration in another. How does this get into a book that is not labeled as erotica? I don't understand that and I really have an issue with it.<br /><br />But the reason I brought up this discussion about the erotic elements in the book really does tie back into the discussion. Freedom. Do I want all erotic books banned? No. I could care less if people want to write, publish, buy, and read them, so long as there is a safe place for those of us who do not want to read them. I go to the bookstore and about 1/3 of the Romance shelves are populated with erotica, and I mean serious erotic content with threesomes, extreme bondage, domination and submission, anal sex, sex with one character in animal form, group sex, you name it. Is that really romance? No. It's erotica. So why shelve it with the romance books and label some of these books are romance? That's mislabeling, and that's wrong. Someone is going to be very unhappy when they take this book home to read it and, bam! Personal freedom has been compromised to some extent, in my opinion.<br /><br />You walk through life and you often find yourself in these situations where there is a group that thinks differently from you, and you are the outsider. This is not a good feeling at all, especially when your rights to believe differently are denied. I have heard that atheists feel that way in the United States. I don't feel that is the case. At least it shouldn't be. That's why I believe in separation of Church and State. Not because I don't believe in God. But because I fear the effects when a leader uses his power to enforce policy based on his own personal beliefs or the beliefs of the group he belongs to. It's wrong, because he is compromising the rights and privileges of Americans who do not fall into the group in which he belongs. One of the comments made on the review of another book by Richard Dawkins was this fear of Christian nationalism. Even though I am a Christian, I fear Christian nationalism too. For more than one reason. The one above I stated, and also because of the backlash on Christians who have no part in this process. Also for the fact that this one person or group doesn't speak for all Christians and never will.<br /><br />I'm a live and let live person. I really don't care what you believe. As long as you don't force your beliefs on me and try to take away my right because I don't share your beliefs. Do I think all beliefs hold equal value to me personally? I'd be lying if I said yes. I do think some beliefs have more legitimacy than others. I do have a disdain for certain belief systems. I'm just being honest here. But at the same time, as long as the person who takes up that belief system does it of their own free will and is not coerced into it or damaged physically by that belief, I don't feel I have the right to tell them not to believe what they believe.<br /><br />One other area that I felt I needed to talk about was the disdain that others show for romance novels. I don't like watching football. I think it's boring for me personally. But do I feel that football is a bad thing that needs to go away? No, because I can always change the channel. I can choose never to attend another football game if I don't want to. Why is it that others have to make fun of romance novels and those who read them? Let me ask you who disdain/hate romance novels and think the readers are mindless idiots something. Have you even read a romance novel? No. Then get over it. Let me give you a romance novel to read and then you can express your opinion. If you don't like it, then let me give you another one. Even if you don't like that one, I'll keep giving them to you until you realize that you cannot condemn a whole genre because of personal taste. Even with my dislike of erotica, I don't think it's all bad. I've read some erotic stories that were good. It's just not my personal taste. That's okay to say, I don't care for that genre. It's another thing to say that a genre has no merit. It's wrong and judgmental. Let me give you some advice if you are one of those people who hate romance novels and think those who read them are idiots: why don't you go focus on what you enjoy doing and stop wasting your mental energy in such a fruitless manner. You won't make romance novels go away, and you won't stop every person on earth from reading them. Sorry, but it's not going to happen.<br /><br />I guess why I posted this because of a need to get it off my chest. Just some final food for thought from this blogger: Focus on what has value for you. Let other people believe what they want to believe. Don't expend your energy on making that person feel crappy because they don't think or believe like you. It's just not a good use of a person's time and the effects don't really turn out so good. We all have to live in this world together, after all.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-8740293209238361412009-08-08T07:47:00.000-07:002010-05-14T07:42:24.012-07:00About RespectI am watching Flip This House right now, the San Antonio episode with Armando Montelongo and his wife Veronica. Armando is a hot-head, and he has no qualms against going off on his employees and cussing them out. I am always surprised that they don't quit and go work for someone who doesn't treat them like you know what. Yet they take the cussing and do the job.<br /><br />Well on this episode, his wife Veronica is running a flip. The guys are playing games and disrespecting her. Because she's nice and she talks things out!!!! What is wrong with this world? Why can't you only earn respect by acting like a bitch or being a jerk? I don't get that at all.<br /><br />Respect is something that everyone should get at least a minimum of, merely as human beings. We exist in the world together, we feel pain, we seek understanding. We share this fundamental commonality. I would think that we would afford others that respect that we want for ourselves.<br /><br />There are deeper levels of respect. Some respect has to be earned. For instance, the respect for a person who knows what she or he is doing and is good at his/her job. At first, you might not know what a person is capable of. You can only go on what someone has told you about that person, or the credentials he/she has. You might have a few doubts, but you give that person the benefit of the doubt. And when he/she comes through, that's when the respect is earned.<br /><br />You might also afford respect for a person because of the character she or he shows. You treat them as a human first and foremost, but then you treat them as someone that you truly 'respect' when they prove themselves to you.<br /><br />So why is it that a person who is nice doesn't get respected? It's backwards to me that a person who is nasty and rude would get respect for it. Personally, I lose respect for people who treat others like crap, for manipulators, for those who think they are better than others, and show it. I have no respect for people who are complete liars and who don't know the first thing about honor or ethics. I don't respect people who are unnecessarily cruel to others. I certainly don't respect a person who takes advantage of other people, who pretends to be nice until he or she gets what they want. Or she or he might pretend to be nice until someone crosses them, and thetrue colors come out. That's bad behavior. Children get punished for bad behavior. Why should adults reap rewards for doing the same things that would get a kid in hot water? That I don't understand at all.<br /><br />Yes, you can have a respect that comes out of fear because others know that you are crazy and you'll 'go there.' But that kind of respect is not long-lasting. It's just a momentary, fleeting thing. It's like being within striking distance of a cobra. You'll fear and respect it so long as you could get bitten and envenomated. But when you get away from it, you're more likely to say, 'Yuck. I can't stand cobras.' Unless you're a herpetology-minded person. Humans that are ruthless and cruel command a respect of fear. But deep down, there is resentment, and some may plot against them, hating them, and wanting to bring them down. Very few people actually care about them or think they are a good person and worthy of true regard. Not the kind of respect I want.<br /><br />I want people to respect me because I am a person who is honorable, capable, thoughtful, that I have something to offer to this world. I don't care if everyone likes me, because you can like someone without respecting her or him. But if you respect people deep down, that is a much deeper, profound thing.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-91549662380607389502009-07-26T18:16:00.000-07:002009-07-26T18:46:30.700-07:00Why is Intelligence in a Woman So Threatening?In general, smart people are tolerated. They are needed in society. But there's not much use for them on a personal, everyday level. Because everyone knows, that book smart people are lame and boring. Or that seems to be the fallacy. I love talking to smart people, so long as they aren't so caught up in their own self-importance that they forget to be human beings with all the flaws and foibles. I have a news flash, though. Most smart people aren't necessarily like that. We can be pretty fun to be around, in fact. <br /><br />Even less tolerance seems to be given to intelligent women. Why I wonder? There is no physiologic or anatomical limitation on women being more intelligent than men. But society really seems to disparage this aspiration in girls. How many of us smart girls played dumb one or more times to get a boy to like us? Raising my hand. Yes I did it. Sadly I still find myself biting my tongue when I get ready to say something that might be construed as showing that I do have arcane knowledge that the average person might not possess (wink). Because people will just think I'm showing off, or they'll get bored with me and not want to talk to me ever again. Sometimes, I feel it's better just to keep my mouth shut and smile and nod. That doesn't always go as planned because I enjoy talking to other people. And as a smart women, I would guess this is bound to show in what I do and say. Like it or lump it.<br /><br />I'm not arrogant, and I'm certainly not egotistical, although posting that I am a smart woman may come across that way. It's just a fact. God blessed me with brains. I am a humble person, so I do tend to downplay that and focus on being down to earth, and being approachable is just a part of who I am. Now I can be as absent-minded as all get out, but that's usually because my brain is off thinking about some bizarre thing completely unrelated to what I'm doing at the time. And I certainly don't know everything. Far from it. But I digress.<br /><br />There is a tension that comes out when it's clear that I am an intelligent woman. That my interests go past the level of the superficial and everyday. That I do think about things that most people don't give a second thought to. I'm more likely to watch The History Channel than I am to watch E! I can spend two hours watching The Universe, and won't spend one hour watching American Idol. I don't put down people who do watch American Idol or whatever else. I'm certainly not one of those people who say that television is mindless entertainment. What a person chooses to watch is her/his choice. But it does get frustrating to be considered a weirdo because my interests extend to the universe, and how a black hole works, how the Spartans lived and fought, and if ninjas really did exist. Or the physiology of sex. Who care about sexual physiology? People just want to have it. They don't want to know how our brains and bodies are wired for sex. I find it extremely fascinating.<br /><br />As an avid fiction reader, particularly romantic fiction, I sense a real bias against smart women in books. Nine times out of ten, when I read posts on a book group, the smart heroine is the one who is least liked by readers. They don't think she's realistic or she's too hard, or she's unlikeable. Or she's just not sexy enough for the divinely hot hero. That really saddens me. In my opinion, the smart women deserve to meet Mr. Right just as much as the cute girl with the fantastic shoe collection. Or the bombshell who has every man at her feet. That is not to say that the smart girl can't have a fantastic shoe collection and be a bombshell with brains. Woman can be many things at once. An author on one of my groups said she has gotten emails in which readers have complained that the characters are too smart. I had some trouble wrapping my brain around that one. I love a smart heroine. They are some of my favorite. And a hero who loves and appreciates his smart heroine is even more beloved. Think Jane to Vishous in Lover Unbound by JR Ward. Or Ashaya to Dorian in Hostage to Pleasure by Nalini Singh. These two heroes really believe that smart is sexy. In fact, I prefer a smart, intelligent heroine to one who's always kicking butt without stopping to assess the situation. Or always getting herself in trouble because her brain doesn't consider that the macho hero might have given her some good advice. Now a girl like Sydney Bristow on Alias is the best of both worlds.<br /><br />One must wonder why the smart girls come off as being prickly and unapproachable. Could it be the many rejections we have received? Being teased by other woman and ostracized because we don't fit in, or being treated as if we are unfeminine because what real woman would be that smart and not hide it. Could it be that we'd rather stay home on the weekends instead of playing dumb just to get a guy to like us? Not because we hate men or are asexual. I suggest that we are prickly and have built up the armor against the world in pure self-defense. Being intelligent and erudite as a woman is a bit of a vicious cycle. You pursue scholarly interests, get more intelligent, become more of a social outcast, end up spending more time alone with said interests, get more intelligent, and it just continues. Or some of us just give up, throw our books away and decide to pretend that we're no smarter than the man we want or the rest of the crowd. I can't tell you how sad that makes me feel.<br /><br />Well I have decided that I'm intelligent for a reason. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Having a good heart and being a good person is obviously far more important. But there is nothing wrong with being smart and being a woman. The world needs us. Woman are the other half of the equation in this world. And a good scientist knows that an equation must always be balanced on both sides.Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3483999766120343338.post-20756538513343895522009-07-24T12:57:00.000-07:002009-07-24T13:13:37.518-07:00My Manifesto as a Black GeekI've been thinking a lot about the dual concepts of being African-American or Black, whatever term you prefer, and being a lifelong nerd/geek/dork. Those two aspects are very much integrated into my self.<br /><br />My question is, why does the world seem to ignore us Black geeks? We are out there, probably more than would admit. We are lurking in the shadows, but we're the ones who help sell tickets to comic book movies, who buy urban fantasy, read paranormal romance novels, and who rock out to music that should be considered inappropriate for us Black people.<br /><br />Why do we have to deny our geekdom? We shouldn't have to. We have just as much right to be proud of being nerds, geeks, and dorks.<br /><br />Well, I have decided to embrace my nerd-dom. I never have and never will be a 'cool' Black person.<br /><br />Why I consider myself a Black Geek Girl<br /><br />1. I love science fiction and fantasy. Always have, always will.<br />2. I gravitate to the nerdy/geeky/slightly dorky characters on tv/movies<br />3. I embrace my right to be a smart person and not feel like I have to hide it<br />4. Being cool is not important to me. Being myself is.<br />5. I am a fountain of useless information. Heck, Wikipedia is one of my top five favorite websites.<br />6. I own thousands of books. And I cannot seem to refrain from buying more.<br />7. Any day of the week, I'd rather curl up with a good book than go out to the club and party.<br />8. I'd rather rock out to Interpol or sing along to Duran Duran than listen to Usher or Lil' Wayne<br />9. I love science. Biology is so fascinating to me. Much more fascinating than shoes and clothes on any given day.<br />10.The sexiest traits in a guy for me are smarts, a sense of humor, and kindness. Yes, I stare at cute guys just as much as any girl. But the personality is what keeps my interest. If I can't have an interesting conversation, whether it's about Iron Man or the Milky Way, then I don't think there's going to be a future for us.<br />11.I love comic books as an art form, whether it's as an adaptation into movies or books, or the originals. I'm crying right now because I am here and not a Comic Con. Sob.<br />12. I love folklore, legends, and myths. I get so excited about them, it's probably a scary thing to most people.<br />13. I embrace my inner assassin/ninja/gunslinger/Amazon. Non-violence is a way of life for me. But inside there's an inner buttkicker. Think Elektra with browner skin and more clothes on.<br /><br />So, I am here to say that I am a Black Geek, and I am proud of it. I am a nerd, and nerds rule. That's what the T-shirt says. This Black girl who happens to be a nerd is claiming her identity. Watch out world!Daniellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12356623650191549329noreply@blogger.com6